I have always had a rational, skeptical, pessimistic nature – probably a gift from my culture and my education. Paradoxically, I have spent my life exploring spiritual paths. These two aspects of my nature have created an uneasy environment in which to live. I am drawn to a belief and trust in the underlying Wholeness of Life, but some part of me always dismisses that trust with stories of the dismal state of the world in which I (we) live.
I have lived in this precarious balance most of my years. As I age, I am blessed with the presence of my dear spouse, Nancy. We have been on a remarkable journey together through paths and byways over the decades. Our introverted natures are compatible with each other. We love and affirm each other. At this particular time in our lives I find myself supported and sustained by her growing wisdom. She is a shaman. She sees, and has always seen, the Unseen World in which our “reality” rests. She trusts, and has always trusted, this deeper Reality. As her path and awareness deepens, I find myself trusting in and relying upon her vision and her wisdom more and more.
I don’t see the Reality she sees. I glimpse it on occasion, but not with the clarity she sustains. But I do see her clearly. I trust her completely and therefore am watching the veil that has always separated the two parts of my nature begin to lose its opaqueness.
At times in our decades together I have led the way. Now it is Nancy who leads and I who gladly and gratefully follow. As these later years unfold, I sense that my own rational nature – a part of me I do not at all despise – will be joined more assuredly with my deeper, Tao nature. As the veil thins I look forward to a deeper integration of the seen and the unseen. I don’t see all that clearly at the moment, but I know someone who does. I have trouble trusting, but I know someone who trusts completely. I am a lucky man.
2 thoughts on “A Lucky Man”
I seem to remember something in one of Nancy’s last posts that resonated with me. I do not now remember what it was but I believe she promised some future activity and I knew Life would make sure I would hear of it. Although I, too, tend to the rationalistic, but find those glimpses of Reality in the writing of poets. Thank you.
Best photo ever! Loved this musing Bill. Too often I have thought “trust the universe” while simultaneously thinking “Yikes! Who is at the wheel?